musings on God's will

For starters, I just saw an article on Yahoo news about how the ACLU helped a Christian graduate of West Point gain conscientious objector status and be released from the military. The man said his Christian beliefs would not allow him to kill another human being, and he now wants to enter seminary. Interesting, huh? Also, note to Religious Right: the ACLU does actually come out on the side of Christians sometimes, so I guess they are not ALL God-hating atheists dragging our country into the gutter with the help of Hillary Clinton. whew.

In Yuma-land, not so much to report. I am increasingly bored with my job and unsatisfied with my life here but feel a little trapped for now. Turns out those misgivings I had about taking this job in the first place were right, but in my May poverty-stricken panic and blind groping for direction I stuffed them down and dove in.
Did I miss God's will? If I did, I have to place part of the blame squarely on His huge shoulders, because he was not altogether forthcoming with his directions. Why is that? Why are we expected to obey this elusive will if the Will-giver repeatedly hides the ball? So now am I supposed to say that He has a purpose for my frustrating and often lonely months here? Isn't that really just saying I should make the most out of anything which comes along, which is true independently of Him? I do not have answers and probably spewing my questions out into the void of cyberspace is not the best way to deal with them. I guess I am hoping that at some point in the future this will all make sense, and then I can say: look, go back and see how bad it was and it was all worth it, see? But right now I am finding it hard to hide my scorn for that smug fulfilled future version of me.
Rather than say, God has a specific plan for my life, and He'll lead me to each step, doesn't it fit more with reality to say that He gives us general principles of how life is best led, of how to treat others and live with integrity and find true meaning, and then helps us find peace and satisfaction and even joy in the situations we get ourselves into through the application (or mis-application) of those principles? Because if He had a clear plan that he wanted us to follow, the guidance would have to be a lot more concrete. Otherwise God is just petty and a bit capricious, and I am not so doubtful of his character to believe that is true.
My little brother has been sending me letters every week, faithfully laboring over penciled sentences on the backs of postcards. But for weeks I haven't received any, and I just realized why- his earnest efforts have been going undelivered. A missed "A" in the address made all the difference. It breaks my heart to think of all his work lost, swallowed in the depths of the US Postal Service.
I feel bad, because Phillip's letters were lost. But I don't feel responsible- I gave him the right address and somehow in the transition from Dad's email to Mom's notes to Phillip's letter that "A" was forgotten. But what if I had merely told Phillip: I live somewhere in Yuma Arizona, I'm not going to tell you exactly, you try to figure it out. Then of course I would feel bad for the loss of the letters, because it was my own fault that Phillip wasn't able to guess my address! How could he?
So that's why I don't think that God's plan is all that specific. Because otherwise, him expecting me to follow it, given his complete lack of direction to me, would be just as absurd as me expecting Phillip to get my address right when I didn't tell it to him. So do I believe that God sent me specifically to Yuma where he knew I would be frustrated and lonely? No, because I believe that he loves me, and don't even tell me it's because he wanted to teach me humility because believe me, I am well aware of my faults. Do I believe that He had some other specific place I was supposed to go instead that I missed the memo on? No, I can't. Rather, God wants me to use my skills to make the world a better place, to show his love and justice and peace to others. Whether I do that in Shanghai China or Mobile Alabama is more a matter of where my God-given desires and talents and the circumstances that come along lead me. He'll bless my efforts to find ways and places to serve him, and he'll usually comfort me when things go wrong. But I'm done with expecting him to give me geographic directions.